Sessions: getting rid of criminals one gram at a time

Photo courtesy of Google Images

In light of recent turmoil involving the legalization of recreational marijuana use, Jeff Sessions, United States Attorney General, has found the solution: rescinding Obama administration laws that allow recreational marijuana use and sale in certain states.

This auspicious resolution comes four days after California declared the devil’s plant legal, and it couldn’t have been more perfect timing.

“Marijuana is a schedule 1 drug for a reason,” said Mary-Jane Leafly, anti-marijuana advocate. “Schedule 1’s have high abuse potential, no medical use, and severe safety concerns. I’m relieved that our government is finally taking this issue seriously.”

Sessions has a long history with the disapproval of marijuana and the people who smoke it.

“This drug is dangerous, you cannot play with it, it is not funny; it’s not something to laugh about. . . good people don’t smoke marijuana,” Sessions said at a drug hearing in April 2016.*

Sessions said that his agenda includes "getting rid of all the bad people, starting with the cannabis-smoking, Grateful Dead-listening, no-shirt-wearing, delinquent hippies."

Richard Prudè, neurologist and father of three, said that he is relieved that the threatening drug is off the streets and no longer an imposing danger to his impressionable children.

"I found a marijuana on my front porch once, and my children knew what it was," Prudè said. "First they know about it, next they'll wanna smoke it! I cannot sit here and wait for them to throw their lives away to drugs and degeneracy."

Sessions said he is well aware of the susceptible youth in the United States, hence his priority is to incarcerate those who partake in the smoking and consumption of cannabis, as they pose a threat to American safety.

“Imagine all of the lives we’re saving by taking these criminals off the streets,” Sessions said. “We're making America safe again.”

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*Real quote. Yes, he actually said that!

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